Friday’s Chune

Steffany Gretzinger | Bethel Music Worship -Defender

Francesca Battistelli (feat. Steffany Gretzinger)- Defender (Audio)

Rita Springer – Defender

 

[Verse 1]

You go before I know
That You’ve gone to win my war
You come back with the head of my enemy
You come back and You call it my victory
You go before I know
That You’ve gone to win my war
Your love becomes my greatest defense
It leads me from the dry wilderness

[Pre-Chorus]
All I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down
All I did was stay still

[Chorus]
Hallelujah, you have saved me
So much better Your way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

[Verse 2]
You know before I do
Where my heart can seek to find your truth
Your mercy is the shade I’m living in
You restore my faith and hope again
[Pre-Chorus]
All I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down
All I did was stay still

[Chorus]
Hallelujah, you have saved me
So much better this way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better this way
Hallelujah, you have saved me
So much better your way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better your way

[Bridge]
When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart
When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart

[Chorus]
Hallelujah, you have saved me
So much better this way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better your way
Hallelujah, you have saved me
So much better this way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better your way

[Outro]
All I did was praise
All I need to do is worship
Lord I will just bow down
I’m just gonna stay still

50 Word Thursday – Stars

Stars

I sometimes wish and hope for a wishing star

A star that makes me believe in things

Things of magic and the unseen

Things that go beyond my wildest dreams

I gaze at the night sky hoping one would go by

Then I wish for the impossible, my hearts desire.

(50 Words)


Written for the50 Word Thursdayprompt, hosted this week by Teresa at The Haunted Wordsmith.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chariots of Angels

“It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by you. This is how I fight my battles.”

I started my journal entry with the words “how am I feeling? I feel scared, anxious, and like I’m fighting to breathe.” As I continued my thoughts and feelings connected, I feel out of control and I don’t believe God is in control. From where I am standing it looks like God isn’t winning, if he isn’t winning that means he isn’t in control, and how can I trust him when he can’t be in control during a battle? I am glad I found that out because it allowed me to talk to God about it, it allowed me to cry, and it allowed me to ask for God’s help. I dunno how I will feel an hour from now or how I will feel tomorrow but at this moment, I feel like I don’t have to be in control. When I think of God being in control, sometimes I feel peace, sometimes I feel a piercing pain in my heart that reminds me I still don’t trust God with everything. How can I trust someone I still see as small and powerless instead of strong and powerful? I need the filters to be removed, the scales to fall away that makes it hard for me to trust God. I go in with my own story where I am afraid of being left behind. I can somewhat handle if people leave because they’re people but I don’t think I would be able to handle it if GOD leaves. God isn’t supposed to leave me, he is God, and he said so himself. Similar to how I do relationships, I keep my distance, because if I am not too close then I can’t get hurt or at least not as much as I would’ve if I were really close. To trust someone you have to know them, you can’t trust someone you don’t know and while I’ve gotten close to my heavenly father, I still will only get so close. Because I control how close we are, it prevents me from knowing who he really is and whether he is trustworthy when I am sick AND healthy. Even though I limit God, yet he still shows me that he is here. At my latest trip to the ER, I saw a huge circle with tons of horses riding all around it, back and forth, horses with armed soldiers armed with helmets, shields, breastplates, boots, and swords- these were heavenly chariots. I then saw something in the middle of the circle, something white and huge with wings hovering over something and holding it tightly, beneath those wings I saw myself curled up in a little ball covering up. I saw that and it brought me peace because I knew that was God’s way of letting me know I am being protected by his heavenly hosts. Today I sensed God calling in more forces and this time Jesus was called. I expected the angels to come and fight, maybe I have another limited view of Jesus, but I’ll focus on one thing at a time. I sensed everyone fighting for me, everyone in heaven. When I worshipped today I envisioned the enemy covering his ears and I just kept on singing…” surprisingly” it encouraged me and inspired me to give control over to God – even if it for this moment- that’s all I have, this moment, and at this moment I used it to fight this battle worshiping God and it strengthened and softened my heart all at the same time. I can’t MAKE myself trust God, I can’t FIGURE OUT how to trust him but I realized when I sang praises to him I wasn’t scared or anxious, I was at peace and I felt his love for me through every word I sang and words I just cried through, I realized that’s what I can do, focus on HIM and he will do the work within me to eventually trust him for longer than this moment. Sometimes, I forget but all I need to do is sing, pray, or even cry and God will come through for me every time.

 

There is a Cloud

There is a cloud beginning to swell.

For so long Ive been in this dry season, this famine, walking through this wilderness filled with dried bones and recently even though the cloud hasnt appeared yet – similar to Elijah, I can hear the storm thats coming. This storm isnt a storm of destruction but a storm that brings about a double rainbow, a storm that brings a cool air, beautiful smell, and crops bearing all over the place. Ive been Moses wanting God to send someone else because I believe I am inadequate, the Israelites grumbling and complaining in the wilderness, Elijah hiding in the cave, Esther placed in the Kings house for such a time as this, Ezekiel walking amongst the dried bones but hearing God say watch me bring these bones to life with my breath, I have been David multiple nights and days in sorrow with my pillows soaked in tears, Jesus crying to God in the garden of Gethsemane to take this cup away but still saying not my will be done but yours Lord Jesus, the unnamed woman whos been sick for years and all she wanted to do was touch the garment of Jesus because we both know thats all itd take to be well, the little children sitting at Jesus feet – I could go on and on. I dont know whats ahead, its still unknown, its scary, the attack is still on and has even been turned up now for the past month, but somewhere deep down and bubbling up to the surface says Look and Be Amazed because youre gonna see something you wouldnt believe even if you were told. I sense such blessing around the bend, blessings Ive been praying for, a season God has promised – restoration in all areas of my life. I see the cloud and while its just the size of a mans hand, it is a cloud nonetheless and I know itll only get bigger until water starts to rain down.

For the dry season is over.

Washed Clean

“I儭 will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I儭 will cleanse you from all impurities and from all your idols.” – Ezekiel 36:25″ I儭 bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you.” – Ezekiel 16:9 I儭 was journaling earlier and several things came up that brought me to these verses; 1 Jesus can silence the demons and 2 he’s washing me clean. The second one came up in my therapy session as a visual and journaling reminded me of the verse where my therapist said it’s located. I’ve been battling depression, which is something I’ve battled with since I儭 was a kid. I’ve recently accepted and admitted it to myself and others but the question still lingers, what do I儭 do after I儭 accept and admit it. Do I儭 just sit and allow it to continue or do I儭 ask God for help and fight it somehow. I儭 wrote in my journal that I儭 feel as though the enemy is holding onto my joy and he doesn’t want to let it go and what exactly am I儭 suppose to do about that? I儭 don’t really know but I儭 did what I儭 thought I儭 should in the moment. I儭 went to scripture and saw sections where Jesus drove demons out of people and commanded them to be quiet and so I儭 did what Jesus did. I儭 commanded them to leave and I儭 commanded them to be quiet. I儭 didn’t command the depression to leave but I儭 commanded the one holding onto my joy to leave. He leaves and my joy will return. I儭n my therapy session I儭 saw Jesus washing me clean in a vision, sprinkling water over me; even while I儭 had no joy or hope that things would change I儭 saw him washing me. He healed so many people and he continues to heal people, I儭 pray he is healing me now even when I儭 can’t feel/see it.

So he bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up at once and began to wait on them.

凌胎uke 4:39

Opposition to the Rebuilding

….But the man who sounded the trumped stayed with me. – Nehemiah 4:8

The last two days Ive been feeling a disconnection between myself and God, not entirely but when Id get in my head and panic mode I couldnt hear him or feel him near. I had a hard time being in his word, mainly because I didnt know where to go and the words didnt seem to connect with how I was feeling, I couldnt read about being courageous as I was in Joshua, even though courage is what I need, it wasnt what spoke to me. I needed to see what was going on in the spirit world, I needed to see that God was fighting for me and that Id be okay because things are still in motion. I flipped through my bible and hidden behind some papers was Nehemiah chapter 4 opposition to the rebuilding. Immediately I knew it would be my resting place for the night and almost every verse spoke to me. The verse that brought me comfort, is the one I quoted above. In the passage its talking about a human, but when I read it I saw Jesus. Jesus is the man with the trumpet, he sounds the trumpet when needed and he stays with me always. Even when the world seems to be falling beneath me, he still stands and he stands next to me. Not only did I need to see what was going on, with Gods plans and what the enemy was up to but I also needed to see and remember that Jesus is with me. He is with me as Im being rebuilt, he is with me as the enemy tempts to destroy the new structure, he is with me as the enemy taunts and ridicules my efforts and Gods efforts at the rebuilding of my new life. He stands off to the side because thats as close as God will allow him to get to me, and he yells, he throws rocks and he tries to destroy because thats what he does but God says he is with me even then. Something huge is around the corner when the enemy starts to yell, his quiet lies arent working the way he wants so he yells them and he throws accusations against me about who I am and who I am not. Our God will fight for us! (vs 20) Im human so sometimes I forget that. When the pain is excruciating and unbearable, when the lies are constant and when reality or being in the present hurts its hard to believe that God is with me and he is fighting the battle so I dont have to. The good thing about having a relationship with God is that I can not only pray for him to turn the enemys plans and insults back on his head but I can also pray for him to help me when I forget he is with me/for me. He is a warrior and he is a Prince…tough yet tender and right now I need both. Thank God he sounds the trumpet and calls for his angels to fight for me and protect me and thank God he is with me. He is tearing down the old Jericho walls and rebuilding a new city on a hill within me.

Radiate

No darkness gonna stand in my way…If my way is your way then youll make me radiate. In the dark your light shines brighter.

Theres a lot of darkness in our world, look at the news and all you see around is darkness and chaos. At times I cant see the true darkness because of denial/maybe Gods protection. Im in the middle of writing my testimony and just when I think Ive faced a lot of the pain and darkness from the past, God shows me more pain that Ive been hiding from. Pain I obviously wanted to ignore and pretend it wasnt hurting me but it is and it does hurt. Along with the pain, God is showing me life, hes showing me that I am no longer in that place and it doesnt define me. I am not abandoned, left behind, a reject, unwanted, unloved and uncared for (is that a word, I dunno…if not it is now, my brain is fried). Hes showing me that I have people in my life that love and care for me and the bruises and wounds left behind will disappear. It hurts but I dont have to live in that place anymore and I pray God will hold my hand and walk me out of that pain.

I was listening to this song quoted above and realized thats what God is doing right now. Even though the pain is real, hes leading me and because of that hes making me shine and radiate. God is with me and hes already healing me so I can charge into the new life hes preparing me for. If my way is his way then he will make me radiate.