Beauty From Pain

“You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us. You are making me new.”  – Gungor 

 Last year I couldn’t see the real importance of life anymore, things were so low and dark for me that for months I could hardly see anything good, God was working in my life…others saw it but I didn’t see it, I just felt pain and anger. I didn’t feel important to God or anyone….obviously I gave the enemy a foothold and he gladly used it. This year I decided to do things differently, starting with my thoughts because clearly it hasn’t helped me in the past. I moved back to LA and immediately dove right into my Church; I took the Partnership Course, Volunteering as well as taking an Online Course. In the course “Serving Sacrificially” it involves quizzes that tells us about our personality, strengths and Spiritual Gifts. I’ve taken this course before, but in all honestly it didn’t really mean much to me at the time, mainly because I wasn’t in a place to believe or act on these “Strengths and Gifts”. I don’t know when exactly I started to have a passion for helping others affected with issues that I faced/ still face right now; if it was when I started Celebrate Recovery or after I got baptized but nevertheless, the passion is there. Before I had any sort of belief in myself and what I’m capably of doing, people would say I should lead Celebrate Recovery groups/ someone once said once I get through what i’m going through, I should speak to their Granddaughter about my past struggles in order to help her…my response would always be “Oh, okay” with a loud laugh or disbelief within me, depending on the circumstance. I didn’t see myself as a leader/someone who could really help others in such a bold way because i’m quite shy and very introverted. Years ago I remember sharing that i’m afraid God is going to use me in way that’s out of my comfort zone, because he’s funny like that and I think that’s exactly what he’s doing now. I was speaking with my past CR *Celebrate Recovery* Group Leader last month, I think, and she mentioned that she’s starting up a Women’s Step Study Group *A group where we go through the different steps for our recovery* but she needs a Co-Leader, I don’t know what possessed me to do this; well I do…God nudged me, I messaged her a very long text, almost giving her a back story as if I was applying for a job…the minute I hit send, it felt like one of those text you send then immediately regret it but you can’t hit “Cancel”. In seconds she responded, with a response I didn’t expect and I even told her that, she basically said I was definitely qualified to be her co-leader, ME, someone who hates speaking to a group of people…someone who gets anxiety issues if i’m around 2/more people…QUALIFIED? She didn’t make the final decision in me becoming a leader though, someone else did, and this person just happens to be my current group leader, who I met a week ago and the person who sang me “Happy Birthday” at our CR Meeting because I became 1 year Sober from Alcohol and Smoking, so this felt like fate. I didn’t get an instant response like I did before, instead I was told I would have to wait, this didn’t bother me because I felt like I didn’t really have anything to lose,I prayed to God and I said if this is something you want me to do now then give me a sign. I waited over a month for a response and this week she called me. Apparently my past Group Leader told her I was interested in doing something like this years back, which I didn’t even remember until she mentioned it. Because I’ve already completed the Step Study, as well as having a Sponsor and Accountability Partners, the only left to do is to take 3 Workshop for Leaders as well as share my Testimony at CR.The minute she said “Share Testimony” I started to freak out…I stopped her in the middle of her sentence, in all honesty I didn’t even know what she was saying at that point, and I asked “At Cr? In front of everyone?” Her response was of course a yes, after she said that though…a voice told me that I wouldn’t be sharing it for me but for others..I would be doing it to bring hope to someone and it calmed me down. The little girl in me who grew up scared and unprotected, un-pretty and not loved enough will be able to help others just like her, the little girl who’s stronger and more brave than she really realizes will be able to showcase God’s strength because of what he’s done in her life. I hope with this Mission that God has me on, I won’t get “big-headed” and I will always remember that its not for me….but for God’s people and his Kingdom. God truly never waste our hurts/pains…he uses it in ways we could’ve never imagined. I’m excited and anxious about the ways in which God will really use me for his Glory.

Please check out these videos below 🙂

Gungor- Beautiful Things

Steven Curtis Chapman – Something Beautiful

God Bless ✌️💕

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