“Lay down what’s good and find what’s best.”
Since this past week I’ve been sensing God telling me to take a break from certain things I’m committed to. I looked back over the months gone by for 2016 and all that I’ve done/been through and how I’ve never taken a break, being home due to my sprained knee is the most rest I’ve had all year. Back in January I gave my testimony at Celebrate Recovery , wrote out and shared my inventory with my Sponsor several weeks after -if you’re in recovery you know just how heavy that is. At the end of January through to the first week of February, I went to a week long Leadership Training which was heavily packed each day with me digging deep and allowing God to show me things. I got back home and only rested for a day; I dove right back into CR that same weekend, went to work and continued volunteering at a Christian Non-Profit Organization. God continued his work in me that we started back in January with him encouraging me to grieve the lost of a friendship, I continued in my Step Study, did some inner-child work that God led me to and through, I went through some training and began to co-lead a group at the CR I attend – I even started seeing a Therapist. Heavy and hard stuff! Needless to say, I needed to rest.
My knee had been hurting for awhile now, but I pushed through it, I decided not to rest it because I didn’t need to and I cannot not be at these places that I’ve committed myself to – id let these people down. The world isn’t big on resting, we are told from a young age – well I was, that if we rest “too much” we’re lazy, Sunday is for resting, rest of the week – you work! That’s all the enemy though; God wants me to rest, my sponsor has been telling me to rest almost every time we speak – and these people I thought id let down, have been nothing but understanding. God actually has been telling me to rest for longer than just a week gone by, I tried to listen – I cut out something id normally do every week and he helped me with another, but he’s asking me to lay down something else. Hopefully writing this will bring more clarity as to what that something is and how to go about doing it. Through my Sponsor’s advice/encouragement and this book I’ve been reading : You’re Made for a God Sized Dream – Holley Gerth I did an exercise – listing the things I do/encounter that gives me life/ energizes me and the ones which drains me/basically takes a lot of energy and time. Surprisingly enough I had a ton of stuff on the life giving part, yet I wouldn’t do them often. I had a small amount on the draining section but I did them almost every week. One included going to the gym alone, I liked it at first but now its boring and I don’t get any satisfaction out of it anymore, I go there and I am not motivated because I’m basically bored out of mind running on that treadmill. Sure I shouldn’t give up working out all together but I gotta change that up a bit, right now God has called me to take a break from going to the gym – mainly because of my injury, when I’m going to exercise I can do it elsewhere with others, for instance taking a hike/walking around the park/cycling in the neighborhood – all those I listed in the life giving column. This way I can stay fit, while being energized and socializing with others. Today during this exercise and some hours before, I felt God telling me to cut down on my areas of service/volunteer, he already took a day out of my weekly volunteering with this non-profit organization but through digging more into it – I think he’s asking me to take a step back all together, maybe just for now – during this season of rest, I am not sure. It ended up in my Energy Draining category, mainly because id go there after work and id take the bus there since I don’t have my own car as yet * speaking things into existence!* Id do this every week, even though its only once a week, it has become something that requires a lot out of me; a lot of energy which I don’t have at the moment. Maybe I will go back during the Christmas Season when its super busy and they need a lot of help or maybe not – I am not quite sure. One day at a time! All I can do is take it one day at a time and trust God to make all things right. The enemy had me believing I needed to take a step back from CR but thankfully my Sponsor told me to look at it some more, and pray some more – I was then able to see that he doesn’t want me to give it up, at least not after my knee is healed. I enjoy being there, being around my friends, worshipping God – being in that safe environment where people aren’t hiding behind their flaws or pretending they don’t exist – I cant give up being around people who speak life into me and encourage me to take those scary steps of stepping out of my comfort zone and into the danger with Jesus. Sure God has called me to rest but its a lot different than what I was thinking a couple days ago, he doesn’t want me to give up things that energizes me – he wants me to look at those things and see HIM in it, to worship HIM and not the fact that I can serve him in those ways. I am in a relationship with him, I’m not in it for the perks and he wants me to shift my mind and emotions from that, for me to see my worth and value in HIM and not in what I do/ don’t do.
It’ll still be hard to give up this area of service though, as Holly Gerth wrote in her book I included above, I will begin to hear nonsense in my mind that goes something like ” You’re selfish. Everyone else seems to handle this; why can’t you?”, another one that she didn’t speak about but I’m hearing it “But, it’s only ONE day, you mean you can’t do ONE day?!” Those are lies! My Pastor talked about Priorities in the previous Series at The Church at Rocky Peak , which covered the exercise I did to get to this place and he said something along the line of replacing/trading what’s good for what’s best. I gotta make room for what God has for me and room for those people he’s put in my life. So I shall see how this goes! Pray for me if you wish to 🙂
You are Loved! 💖💜✌🏾️