One Step at a Time

So, I passed my driving test today! OH MY GOODNESS….I’m so glad that’s over with! I practiced for this test maybe shorter than I should’ve. I delayed it because I was scared and nervous, then I injured myself and my life sorta went on pause it seemed. I decided to just face my fears and go do it, and I gave myself TWO WEEKS to practice! Pretty silly, but that’s what happened because I let fear sink in for so long, I basically ran outta time. I had a very strong feeling that I’d pass, I felt like God gave me some peace about that – but fear and anxiety would still creep in. My fleshy ways crept in, and I thought I’d mess up, I’d crash and ultimately I’d fail and disappoint myself and everyone. To me failing wasn’t an option, this had to do with the fact that I only had one week left on my permit before it expired and that feeling from God that I’d pass. Last night I realized that deep down I didn’t give it as an option to God either – it was as if I had to pass or I’d be mad at him, so I prayed and asked for him to do HIS will, because I know at the end of the day his will is better than mine. So, I passed the test and afterwards instead of fully enjoying it I was filled with disappointment. Ugh! I am such an awful person, I dunno why/how God could ever love me. I was disappointed because I made so many mistakes, I could do everything but nervousness sunk in and I made some mistakes. I then allowed fear for the future to sink in, with freedom and change – there’s always that fear of how well I will do or if I can do it. Can I do all these next steps that’s before me? Now everyone’s gonna expect me to be driving…what do I do with that? I get so much in my head sometimes that I hate it. God told me when I got home to just take it one step at a time, others might expect me to drive here and there and do this and that, but I’ll get there when I get there. I’ll do what I need to do, when he says okay, here’s the next step. He won’t overwhelm me with all these things, he’s taking his time with me and he’s going to bring more freedom, but it’ll be ONE STEP AT A TIME. He’s not disappointed in me, no one is disappointed in me and I shouldn’t be either because…..I PASSED!!!!! 



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