“I am a series of small victories and large defeats and I am as amazed as any other that I have gotten from there to here.” -Charles Bukowski
As I was journaling today God showed me after like the 2nd/3rd page that my main focus was on all that was going wrong; all my fears, doubts and shame. He showed me that I did great things yesterday and today that should be recognized and not forgotten or ignored because they seem insignificant when compared to the pain I’m feeling. Through switching my mindset to the victories, I was able to change my mood and see how hard those things were to do but I did it. My main thing right now is to truly work on my own recovery, sobriety, purity and abstinence; so I’m having to set boundaries and it’s not the easiest thing to do at all. I’m having to grieve a relationship that would be unhealthy and outside of God’s will if I were to entertain it, and I’m having to fight those urges. I should celebrate these small victories, I should notice them – more so than the mistakes I make. Holding onto these victories will allow me to believe that I can make more small victories, which will lead to something huge and amazing. Holding onto my mistakes and ways I’ve messed up, cripples me; while journaling I realized that it caused me to second guess my every move instead of trusting the fact that God is guiding me. So I am celebrating that I said yes to God yesterday and today even when my body, heart and mind told me to do something else. I’m celebrating that I loved ME yesterday and today and I took care of ME.