Rebirth

It took awhile for me to write this, I had it planned and saved in my draft section since September 16 but was waiting for the “right” time, the “perfect” time. As if such things exist. I now feel the need to just go ahead and write it instead of waiting for everything to be perfect. So, I’ve been applying to jobs as well as praying for God to provide me with a job that I’d love, a job that’s a gateway to my career. I started applying to jobs I think I couldn’t get because of fear and other reasons, I applied because God has me doing things I’m afraid to do. Through applying for those jobs, someone responded about a content writer/researcher position and I was excited. I felt a bit disappointed when  the interviewer informed me that it wasn’t a paid job but a volunteer position. My need for a job wanted to say no but deep deep down I think God told me to give it a try, to say yes, so I said okay let’s meet and see how it goes. I was scared on that day we had to meet, because she was practically a stranger and due to all my years of watching Dateline and Horror movies I was convinced I’d end up in a ditch somewhere after being kid napped. I turned my fears in a time of prayer and so I did just that, I prayed to be safe and I prayed that our meeting would go well. Clearly I’m still alive and wasn’t found in a ditch anywhere and the meeting went great. I found out more about the faith based film company she has, how it got started, how it helps and mentors people in leadership skills and even directing movies. The minute she said that I was like a kid on a playground, I had to share my childhood dream with her, not everyone knows this – family members and close friends in high school would but not everyone because as I got older I gave up on that dream. The dream to make films. I was always fascinated by the making of films, I’d go through the special features of DVD films and see how they were made, I ordered packages online from film schools to see how to make films. I decided to move to LA not just because of family and my love for the city but because of Hollywood, I wanted to be a part of the movie scene – I wanted to make films, to write movies and books and even to do producing. I stopped dreaming this dream because it seemed so far fetched, people kept telling me it wouldn’t pay the bills, it would be hard to get a job because of my gender, sex sells and I’d have to sell something other than a nice movie. While that is true, it discouraged me, I later settled for other career choices because it would be easier to get and it would “fit” me more because of my gender. So the minute I heard her say they mentor people in directing movies and they even recommend people to other projects and film companies got me so excited. I’m not making films at the moment, I’m not getting paid to write but I am a part of something, I am researching for a movie being made with this film company, I am moving closer to that dream I have. I am using my nerdy qualities of reading and collecting information to help in the making of a movie!! I left that meeting so hopeful, excited and in disbelief of what God’s doing in me, I’ve given up on so many dreams but he hasn’t and he keeps rebirthing/refueling that passion and desire in me to keep dreaming, to keep believing, to keep hoping and to keep moving forward, even when my insecurities and fears tell me it won’t happen. I’m choosing or at least trying so hard to choose to believe that God CAN do far more than I could ever ask for or imagine. Excited to see what he’ll make of this and just how far I’ll allow him to take me. 

πŸ’–βœŒπŸΎοΈβ€οΈ

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