Still Searching….

“Have you seen me?”

I noticed a section in a magazine today with that question written big and bold for everyone to see and I started to think. I thought about this person that has been missing since 1977 at the age of 17 and how sad that is. Imagine being lost for so long; you can’t find home, it’s not safe to leave and go home and your loved ones are searching for you. It also made me think of this post that has been in my draft box for few weeks now, and how fitting it is. We might not all be lost physically, unable to go home but sometimes we can be emotionally. The season or years I’ve felt lost the most, has got to be my teenage years, worst years of my life! I wanted to find myself in everyone and everything, I ran from fake source to fake source wanting them to define me and bring out that sense of lostness so i’d be found. Little did I know I wanted to be found by people who were also searching to be found, not a good mix. Couple Sundays ago I noticed some women enjoying the company of each other or so I thought, I started to get really anxious because they were all attractive and I felt like I didn’t measure up. I felt God tell me in that moment to look at them, doing that is the last thing I wanted to do because I was afraid my emotions would get out of control due to the attractiveness of these girls. I decided to look, I slowly looked at every person sitting at the table and I noticed something, they were all lost. They were so sad, they were speaking but no one was really saying anything and no one was really listening, slowly they began to leave one by one and so did I. So many times I think I’m the only one who feels lost or less than or different but we all feel that way at times. We all go through periods where we wished we were more like “so and so”, if we looked this way or that or spoke differently. In a way we are all searching, we all want to be found and stand out from a crowd, no matter how hard we try to hide we want to be seen and found. I know I want to, I try to hide not because I don’t WANT to be found, I hide because I think if I AM found then there’s a chance I might not be good enough and so I have to be placed back on the shelf until I’m found again. Thankfully I am found by the one who will never lose me or discard me, he doesn’t see me as useless or unworthy…he sees me and he wants me just as I am. 

God brought this verse to me today and I’m praying to hold onto it. Even though I at times might feel lost or stuck in the darkness, for one, it’s not true, and two he’s my lighthouse willing and ready to light my way back to shore. 

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭9:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬
“The Lord turns my darkness into light”

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